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Introducing 1905 Reporter

1905reporter2No Quorum on Rubber Costume 

Preparations for All Hallow’s Eve are said to be seeing discord among persons who judge the anticipated course of some revel-ers to adopt the costume of a man in rubber sheeting from head to knee, anchored in ducking waders, as ill-considered. It is thought that this costume seeks to represent a man of medicine or science who tends to patients gravely sickened by a feared contagious disease that is now on the loose in the United States.

The death and misery wrought by the particular infectious affliction, which has traveled from its quarantine on the African continent, is the reason for the offense. The complaining citizens insist such a costume will mock carnage and despair. Persons familiar with Autumn Halloween traditions will note that innumerable varieties of disguises are used for parlor get-togethers and society balls to effect a grotesque or whimsical appearance, with liberality generally unquestioned. Therefore rumors of discomfort among some quarter is alleged to be news-worthy and fit to serve as a “break-in story” for a newspaper man who stiffened spines in Tammany Hall. 

Further inquiries determined that the infectious affliction “possibly could be” similar to smallpox or cholera, according to four men questioned and two spinsters who claimed knowledge in the garishly Edisoned office this reanimated correspondent has been assigned to assist without his own consent or, it must be said, sufficient introductions. Further this correspondent was prevented from seeking verification from a surgeon as to the suitability of these comparisons while garrisoned in the foul-smelling office. The mysterious disease is nonetheless a greater peril to our populations than consumption, it is hesitantly believed by the present men, all of whom go hatless in the out-doors as if by some fraternal agreement.

If the latter belief of these gentle-men is correct, one might assume this correspondent’s efforts would be turned to seeking details of the slaughterous contagion rather than quarrels over home-spun divers’ suits being employed with callous mirth on Dead Soul’s Day. Inquiries are being made.

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1905 Reporter was brought back to life by an unnamed newspaper to save print journalism from extinction. Email him at 1905reporter@themintyplum.com. ©1905Reporter

 

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